Excerpt From “The Warrior” by Andy Palasciano

Andy Palasciano’s new memoir, The Warrior — Tales Of A Substitute Teacher And Job Coach — is amazingly funny, which is not a surprise because Andy is amazingly funny. The book launches this Sunday at the Meraki Cafe at 5:30 where you can get a signed book for 10 dollars!!!!! Everyone and their mother should attend.  Here is an excerpt from his fabulous memoir:

The Substitute

The first class I ever taught was high school math.  I got there late and found no lesson plans.  So I learned, I think from a student, that I was supposed to go over the previous night’s homework.  I looked at the work and had no idea how to do it.

Convinced I had to maintain authoritative control over the class, I stared at them stone-faced, fearing I’d be exposed as a fraud.

“You in the front row,” I told a student.  “Come up and do the problem on the board.  And class, you tell them if he’s right or wrong.  I’m not going to help you.  You guys should know how to do this stuff.”

It worked.

I got another assignment similar to that one.  Waking up late, I threw pants on my mom had just bought me and I drove to class.  Still trying to maintain authoritative poise in this high school math class, I spotted a girl raising her hand and snapped at her, “What?”   “Do you know you have a tag from the store on those pants?”  I quieted the class, but 10 minutes later, that same girl raised her hand:  “Do you know you have another tag on those pants?”

I am more careful with my attire these days.

Teaching another class -high school French?- two students came up to my desk and asked if they could get a drink.  “Ok,” I told them, amazed at how well I was handling this class.  The students came back, their arms full of soda, and started calling out, “Who had the 7up? And the Doctor Pepper?” and began distributing the cans around the class.

I think I got a Diet Coke.

 

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