I want to write from the middle. I usually live the experience and then write about it, but this is too important.
Right now my mother is staying with me and my mother-in-law is flying here from Florida with a plane ticket she bought yesterday. My dad and my brother and my brother’s girlfriend are checking in on me.
I can’t: cook, clean, make things, be a fun mom. I need a ton of sleep and my eyes are blurry. I find myself sitting on the floor a lot from being dizzy or out of breath. My psychiatrist said that I’m going to feel this way after such a big med change — but I’m scared this is permanent. Every time I’m in a “this too shall pass” phase I think ohhhhh noooo this is permanent and going to get so much worse.
The reality is that I’m going to have more help so I can get more rest and my doctor will not let me be on something that permanently makes me feel this way. It was a med change, it can be changed again if necessary! The truth, no matter what I’m thinking, is that all of this is good. It means I’m a step closer to being on the right dosage of the right med.
So, this is is the middle — but it’s part of a successful journey even though it feels a bit wretched at the moment.