Hello From A (Bipolar) Middle

I want to write from the middle. I usually live the experience and then write about it, but this is too important.

Right now my mother is staying with me and my mother-in-law is flying here from Florida with a plane ticket she bought yesterday. My dad and my brother and my brother’s girlfriend are checking in on me.

I can’t: cook, clean, make things, be a fun mom. I need a ton of sleep and my eyes are blurry. I find myself sitting on the floor a lot from being dizzy or out of breath. My psychiatrist said that I’m going to feel this way after such a big med change — but I’m scared this is permanent. Every time I’m in a “this too shall pass” phase I think ohhhhh noooo this is permanent and going to get so much worse.

The reality is that I’m going to have more help so I can get more rest and my doctor will not let me be on something that permanently makes me feel this way. It was a med change, it can be changed again if necessary! The truth, no matter what I’m thinking, is that all of this is good. It means I’m a step closer to being on the right dosage of the right med.

So, this is is the middle — but it’s part of a successful journey even though it feels a bit wretched at the moment.

♥️

Rae

 

1 Comment

  1. Keep breathing and trusting your family. I have my own version of this when the Lyme crazies hit, and the hardest and best thing I have learned to do is admit how unwell I am, and then trust my family of choice. I am soooooo proud of you! And totally impressed by your bad-ass commitment to not prettying it up.

    Like

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