Breast Isn’t Always Best

I was 5 months pregnant and agonizing over the decision to breast feed or bottlefeed. A poster on my doctor’s wall stated that if you breast fed your baby, she would be smarter than a bottlefed baby. I was scared that if I didn’t breast feed my baby she would inherit my mother’s asthma.

But! The chances of having a bipolar episode after having a baby were high. Trying to do the “right” thing and breast feed meant I couldn’t take a lot of different kinds of medication. I could become depressed or experience psychosis, and being in constant physical pain from my pelvic disorder made me want to bottlefeed so I could have moments with my baby while pain free.

Finally, it came down to my husband. I was about to be wheeled in for the c-section and he said he wanted me to be healthy so I could raise a healthy baby… and I’m so glad he encouraged me to bottle feed. It means I don’t get up at night so I have my life saving sleep, I am able to treat my pelvic pain and I was able to get a ct scan with dye. Once, maybe when my baby was 6 weeks old, I was at the doctor’s under the same sign. The nurse read off a monitor: “Are you currently taking lithium, seroquel, klonopin, prozac, lamictal and oxycodone?”

”Yes.”

”Are you breastfeeding?”

I blinked.

I’m grateful that my support team, especially my husband, was able to foresee that my sanity was worth saving during this new, stressful and beautiful time. Breast is great!!!! But it’s not always best.

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