I can see proof of my own successes all around me — my book, my wedding ring, a baby sipping milk. Despite some heavy stuff, I have shown up and conquered. We all have these things. You might have a diploma on your wall, own your own house, can complete crosswords in record time or maybe you do good work in the world.
We walk around, doing these lovely things, and then someone says something negative — about our project or our attitude or our parenting or our diet or whatever! Why is it that we sometimes listen to negative people?
I don’t mean horrible people. It could be a loved one “trying” to get through to you or “trying” to help.
I’ve been thinking about relocating. There is a lot to think about and I have a lot of opinions of my own to contend with, so I really didn’t need the steady stream of insults from my friend. They ranged from “you’re going to fail at this” to “I already know you’re going to do the wrong thing” as they gave me advice about what to do.
The minute that someone says something negative, I can’t follow their advice anyway. I can’t even really keep listening. I just keep repeating the insult in my head.
Now, I just cut someone out of my life for being TRULY toxic. This isn’t one of those people. He’s not trying to be mean — it’s just how he expresses himself to prove that HIS ideas are correct and you reeeeallllly should listen to him or everything will go horribly wrong.
Maybe it will. But maybe it won’t. I don’t need to hear any of these insults. Period. My therapist recently told me to write down whatever crazy negative insulting thing they say. This way you have a record of it so you can’t think, “Nah, it wasn’t that bad, I must be projecting.”
You can address them about it directly, of course, but what’s most important is to address yourself. I’m afraid of relocating and all the decisions that come with it, but — and this is from my therapist — I must remind myself of what I have already accomplished successfully with my own hard work. So, I tell myself some good, real things. For example, I think I have successfully been keeping my blog up for however many weeks and meetings some cool people I wouldn’t have met any other way. I created that myself, I did that.
Don’t tell yourself stuff like, “I’m great!” I’m sure you are — but you won’t believe it! However, you MIGHT believe yourself when you give yourself some concrete examples of all the times you didn’t fail.
Have any other great ways to deal with these people??? Let us know!